8.10.2001

last night over alcohol and truth-telling in the bar, in the booth, confronted with freshly heartbroken girl, somehow the table turned and she started screaming at me about picking myself up by my bootstraps and getting through my head by force of will. she told me that people love me and will love me and think i am a wonderful person regardless of how i deny it, regardless of the stages of self-loathing and self-pity i go through. she reminded me that i have a support system and that i must learn how to utilize it, as we must all do because i firmly believe that we are not intended for this life all by ourselves though we die alone and are stuck alone in our heads at all hours of the night and day at everysecond. we are all here together, our bodies fit together like puzzles, because we are intended to lift one another up when we have fallen down and are intended to grab one another at the last second before danger when we see what is to happen. when i was in boston in march my friend told me a story about someone falling on the tracks of the T before the train was coming and some stranger jumping down trying to pull them off again to life in time. my friend found this story amazing - that in this day and age strangers would help one another out. i, on the other hand, was not impressed. i told him that i would not expect less of the world; that if everyone just stood there yelling for help, it would have been disgusting and insulting. somehow i always new that sharon the heartbroken girl was right - that we are of this world for one another and that we must be there to save each other in avalanches, despite some of our friend's determination to be standing there when the avalanche comes - it is our duty, as loved ones to save one another.

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